I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
