Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
