he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
