the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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