she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
