come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
