you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
