tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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