He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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