I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
