I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
