ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
