Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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