But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
