Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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