The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
