I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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