I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
