oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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