But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
