ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
