that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
