i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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