so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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