I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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