your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
