I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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