his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
