do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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