he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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