why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
