Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
