It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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