Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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