I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
