i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
