So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
