why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
