Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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