The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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