If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
