im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
