put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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