my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
