Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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