And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
