Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
