How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so let's talk penis.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
