he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
