one two three fourrrrnication!
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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