her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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