Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
