I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
