in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
