his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
