Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
