they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
