I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This baby is an asshole
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
