K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
