she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
