doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
