kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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