Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
