I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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