careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
