They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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