you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
