I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
