Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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