When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
