dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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