Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
