Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize