haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
