So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
