I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
