Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
