I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
