I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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