I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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