Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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