I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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