I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
