I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
