Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
