it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Who died my cat blue again?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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