Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
