Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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