apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
