; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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