The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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