Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
