Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
