So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
