that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
