i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
