She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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