She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I smell like Dick and happiness
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
