Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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