we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he high fived his dick after we had sex
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
