worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize