I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
