i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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