shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
