if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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