i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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