Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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